


One Man Funeral

by Pinnithin



Category: Mission to Zyxx (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, holds dar, listen......it could be that deep, oh my dear its okay to feel...., season 4, teen rated for swears and death mention i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinnithin/pseuds/Pinnithin
Summary: Many a sentient had told Dar in their lifetime to go juck themself, and now Dar could say with confidence that they absolutely would. Happily. Their nerves were alight with the tidal wave of energy that had washed over them every time they warped. And that kiss. Oh, sweet Rodd. If only they’d had more time.In the wake of a successful (?) mission, Dar comes to grips with what just happened to them. MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 EPISODE 417
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	One Man Funeral

Many a sentient had told Dar in their lifetime to go juck themself, and now Dar could say with confidence that they absolutely would. Happily. Their nerves were alight with the tidal wave of energy that had washed over them every time they warped. And that kiss. Oh, sweet Rodd. If only they’d had more time.

They plodded to the darkened bridge of the ship, _their_ ship, the ship they captained. Funny how they’d been afraid to take this position when they’d grown into it so nicely. Being captain suited Dar just as well as the epaulets gracing their shoulders. They smoothed a hand down the sleek blue uniform they wore. It was a little wrinkled after that whirlwind of a mission.

Settling down into the pilot’s chair - useless; the console before them a vanity accessory that piloted Bargie about as much as a couch drove a moving van - they leaned back and watched the streaks of starlight whisking past the ship. Calm and contented, sure of themself. What a view. What a life.

What a life.

It stuck inside Dar uncomfortably. That phrase. That sentiment. Why did -

Oh, juck. 

Oh.

_Juck._

All at once their blood was boiling as wave after wave of emotion rolled over them. I died, they thought, frantically. I _died._

They had watched it happen. The shocking laser arc from the blaster smashing in a deadly firework against their own body. They’d felt it - that earth-shaking rumble as their body hit the ground. Sheets of rain like ice pouring over them. And they all had just stood there. Staring at them. Dar’s body, an unceremonious hulk in the mud. Dead. Stone cold dead.

They hadn’t had time to bury them. Nobody had even thought about it.

With trembling hands, Dar unbuttoned their uniform, sliding the lapels of the coat aside to examine the pockmark of scar tissue on their chest. They’d always assumed it was from that day. They remembered the pain of the blaster fire searing into their skin quite clearly, but the events preceding, not so much. Adrenaline, they had told themself.

Memory loss from a memory lost. AJ had followed the order without question.

Dar’s chest began rising and falling heavily as they thought about it. Who were they, really? What other memories had been erased by time? How many other doomed Dars were out there? How many tangled failing timelines of dead and dying Dars, facedown in the mud, bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and-

“Stop it,” they growled, low in their throat. 

They were Captain Jucking Dar, and they did not lose it over something like this. They’d kept it together through all of it, the k’hekk, the feet mutants, the heists and the coliseums and the speeder races and the unbearable heartache of giving up a lover and by Rodd they were not going to break apart over this. This anomaly. This tragedy. Dar pressed a hand to their chest, willing themself to calm down and utterly, undeniably failing. 

I _died._

They hunched over in their chair, arms wrapped protectively around their own torso, as if they could retroactively protect themself from what had happened years ago. Years-ago-just-now. Their hearts hammered in their chest cavity and they squeezed their eyes shut. Was it narcissistic to mourn yourself? What was doomed Dar thinking, in those final moments?

Here I am, on this shithole planet, in the ass end of space, stuck in a corrupt government job with the worst crew imaginable. What a waste. What a stupid, pointless, unceremonious way to end a life. Not in a blaze of glory and gunfire. Snuffed out by the nervous trigger finger of an incompetent, cowardly tellurian. Detestable. Disgusting.

No one even knew they were gone. 

And Pleck, oh, Rodd, Pleck had been the one to kill them. Dar’s teeth chattered as they sat, hunched over in the pilot’s chair, remembering the weighty _thunk_ of the blaster falling from his limp hands into the mud as he fled. It was an accident. A horrible, deadly, irreparable accident. One that Captain Jucking Dar had repaired with their own two hands, a decision, and a kiss. 

Everyone else had just stood there. Motionless in their shock. Dar hoped one of them had uttered a prayer for them as they charged into the rain and the past. They deserved that much, at least. 

It was selfish, right? This feeling of being cheated? Stars whisked past in glittering white lines and Dar could barely see them anymore through the salt in their eyes. Dar had died, and no one had shed a tear for their passing, so they had to settle for crying over themself. A one man funeral, here on the Bargarean Jade. It was wrong and perverse and it ached in Dar’s chest as they shuddered alone in the bridge.

Before they were fully registering their own actions, Dar stood from the chair and began clattering around the room, pawing through drawers with a deep-seated purpose that only their gut knew. Rodd, the light wasn’t even _on_ in here, they were just clawing blindly in the dark and tasting the saline burn of ugly tears running into their mouth and thinking _I died I died I died_ like a backwards prayer as their claws latched onto a notepad and a pen and something cylindrical.

They sat. On the floor - cold, uncomfortable - like that dying Dar had been, forgotten in the rain. 

The cylindrical thing in their hand was a flare, they realized. A small one, useless in an emergency unless there was a small power outage. It’d do. It took a couple tries with their shaking hands, but Dar finally hit the striker and the flame bloomed orange and hot in their face. Blaster fire bit at the back of their memory and they shook it out. 

Not now, love, not now. This was sacred.

Balancing the flare on its end and the notepad on their knee, Dar scratched out an epitaph for themself. They kept it short. Sweet. With a touch of humor. Spelling out their birth-given name in their native language sent a shiver of nostalgia through them.

“Hey, Dar?” a voice crackled overhead from the intercom, rough and familiar. “I feel something burning in here. Should I be concerned?”

Dar drew in a deep breath and let it out slow through their nose. They ripped the page out of the notepad, violently. “No worries, Barge,” they said. “I’ve got it under control.”

Their hands only trembled a little as they fed the sheet into the fire. They sat back and watched smoke curl up to the ceiling and fan out in a gentle arc. _In memoriam._ Farewell, Dar from the past. Powerful, intelligent, and oh so unforgettable. May your memory live on until the heat death of the universe and beyond.

After a long moment of silence, Bargie spoke up again. “Are you… okay?”

Dar nodded, swiping away the tears that were already drying on their face. “Of course, Barge,” they answered. A dry sob threatened to rack through their body, but they fought it down.

“I always am.”

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO?????? DAR????? YOU OKAY BUD????
> 
> I know this is a comedy podcast and usually Its Not That Deep but I brought my shovel and I'm ready to dig. I went into a fucking trance after the episode came out and this appeared..... I've never written a fanfic so fast my keyboard was SMOKING...
> 
> Anyway I tried to write Pleck's reaction too but it literally made me so sad I had to stop here pls just take this


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